where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
