Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
