I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
