i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
