He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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