Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
