someone threw a dead crab at me
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
