Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
