I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
