Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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