census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
