I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Buhtt sex?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
