I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
