Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
