I want to stick my p in your. b.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
