your room smells of hookers.
And success
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
