broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
