I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just gift wrapped bread.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
