You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
