is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize