Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
