he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
being pregnant is like rehab
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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