I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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