my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
