Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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