I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
