Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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