Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
