you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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