Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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