Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
