my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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