Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
