32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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