my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
