my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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