So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
