do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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