if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I wanna passion pit in your ass
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
ugly people sure do ruin things
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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