he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
