i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
bring money and cleavage
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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