Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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