Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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