So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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