yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
