Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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