Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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