Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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