dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
