Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
