So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
