Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
