somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I wish there were birth control emojis
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
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