you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
