Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
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