I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
