I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
