i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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