Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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