East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
