I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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