Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
