She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
