Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
