dude i'm inner monologue high
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
