Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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