If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
