you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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