man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
