All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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