the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
