I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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