Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
